I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
