I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
