I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
