An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
