tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Everyone says I win the strip club
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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