i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
