I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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