i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
what day is it and did you see me today?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
