I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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