Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
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