Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
