"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize