When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
