I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
