Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
