There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
