Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
