Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
