Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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