How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
