I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
