So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
