Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
