my phone cant type all the emotion im having
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
