i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
