Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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