Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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