Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
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He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
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Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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