Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
