I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
