Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
