Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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