im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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