I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
