You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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