I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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