i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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