just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
