I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
