btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
