I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
