yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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