thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
