If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
