Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
