i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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