Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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