I am in a vortex of obligation.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
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