According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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