I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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