you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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