Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
