sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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