I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
