I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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