I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
