a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Can Purell be used as lube?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
