OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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