and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
is that a dick in a sweater?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
