Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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