my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My vagina is officially offended.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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