I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I believe in your delicious
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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