I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize