I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
