hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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