You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am spending my child support on dildos
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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