my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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